‘If’ is perhaps the most used term in this world. Since very few things in this world are ideal, people like to associate the aforementioned term in order to make things ideal in their minds. However, even the supposedly ideal things fall prey to ‘if’ due to various purposes.
For example, for the fans of the Indian cricket team, nothing could be more ideal than Virat Kohli playing for them. However, due to people like us, who like to fictionalise things for the sake of entertainment, even that kind of ideality is tampered.
One fine morning, I was sipping tea while shaking my head in disbelief at how frighteningly consistent the captain of the Indian team is. And then the thought came: what if he was a Pakistani cricketer? Most of the Indian cricket team fans are already despising me for the earlier statement. However, that isn’t going to stop me from listing out the five things that could have happened if Kolhi played for Pakistan.
P.S – This piece is a result of an evil mind and unemployment and has been written for the purpose of entertainment only. If you are offended due to the farce known as nationalism, then I am sorry to have hurt your feelings.
#1 He would still abuse
First, the thing that would have definitely been the same: his foul-mouthed rants. Right now we might not see that version of Kohli since he is more restrained these days. However, back in the day, he vented his frustration as easily as Donald Trump grabs ‘em by the…you get it, don’t you?
Scored a century? B*****d! Hit a six? B*****d! Ran someone out? B*****d! Got hit by a breeze? B*****d!
Well, this is basically what Kohli used to be back in the days. And this is a trait that wouldn’t have changed had he played for Pakistan. Both Indians and Pakistanis have the same set of verbal abuses and, hence, it would be perhaps the only constant in this scenario.
#2 Quratulain Baloch would be his girlfriend
Why I chose QB (the name is too long for typing repeatedly)? I don’t know. Maybe it is just a hunch or maybe because I absolutely love the depth in her voice. Whatever the reason, you can’t help but accept that they would have made a nice couple.
It is not that both Anushka Sharma and Virat don’t look like a good couple, in fact, they look fabulous when they are smiling together (relationship goals, eh?), but if Virat Kohli was Pakistan, we might have seen him date a Pakistani celebrity.
And Baloch ticks the boxes. A household name? Check. A wonderful singer? Check. A lovely personality? Check. Gorgeously beautiful? Check.
P.S – If, by any chance, you are reading this, Miss Anushka Sharma, then I am sorry, but I am not trying to hurt your feelings. I sincerely hope that you and Virat have a long and happy life together!
#3 Been involved in a Match-fixing scandal
Ah, this might sting. However, this could have actually happened. Money can be the root of evil and few cases depict it better than match-fixing scandals in the cricketing fraternity, especially the one surrounding Pakistan in 2010. If Virat Kohli was a Pakistani and broke into the team at the same time like he did with India, circa 2008-2009, then there was a good chance he would have fallen prey to the fangs of Salman Butt ad Mohammed Asif.
Poor Mohammed Amir still has to pay for the mistake of listening to a senior. Being young and naïve, it wouldn’t have been surprising if Kohli also walked down the same path. And that would have been a shame since, like Amir, Kohli is a recherché talent that this generation is blessed to have.
#4 Terrible fielder
What’s the other thing at which Virat Kohli stands out other than his batting? Fielding, obviously. When one watches Virat Kohli fielding, they get inspired by the way he blazes around the park in order to save a run or the ball reaching the boundary.
He sets an example among aspirants as to how being a great batsman alone isn’t enough. However, if he was a Pakistani cricketer, he would have been as good a fielder as Bambi is a runner on ice.
‘Batting to sahi hain, fielding chor na,’ (batting is great, screw the fielding) is perhaps the attitude we might have seen from him. The memories of dropped catches and wicketkeeping blunders are still fresh in our memories. And the fun part is, new memories are created in almost every game.
#5 Next Hasan Raza
Remember Hasan Raza? I clearly don’t, but I was made aware of his presence by a friend. For those of you who don’t know him, and I am assuming that the number is on the higher end of the spectrum, he is the youngest ever player to play in Tests and ODIs, debuting in both formats at the mere age of 14.
He was labelled as an esoteric talent, an aesthetic stroke player who generated a lot of hope among Pakistani fans. Unfortunately, however, he couldn’t replicate his domestic know-how of the game on the international level.
With Virat Kohli, something similar could have happened had he represented Pakistan. For one, he would definitely have had made his debut a lot earlier and the hype around him could have put him under more pressure than an unemployed man with a family to run.
And he could have crashed like web pages do on Internet Explorer.
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